05/18/10 1:38 pm EST
As everyone in Philadunkia nation knows, tonight up in Secaucus, New Jersey the NBA will hold it’s annual Draft Lottery selection show. The 76ers will have 53 chances out of the 1,001 possible combinations in tonight’s Draft Lottery. They can move up to one of the top three slots, remain sixth or slip as low as ninth, but that’s as far as they can fall on the 2010 NBA Draft lottery board.
The Sixers have a 5.3% chance of winning the Lottery and grabbing the #1 spot which will give them the right to select Kentucky’s John Wall. They stand a 6% chance at jumping up the board to the #2 slot where they will likely be over joyed at the opportunity to draft Ohio State shooting guard Evan Turner. Finally, the Sixers own a 6.9% chance of moving up three spot to #3 which will give them a month to debate what they should do with that pick — draft a center, package the pick in a trade for a highly skilled two guard or blow it by drafting another ‘tweener forward.
It’s plain to see from the numbers above that the Sixers chances of moving up the board tonight are not that great. To be honest we would need some serious help. Scratch that, we would nee a miracle to get inside the top two where we could draft a potential franchise changing player. So while we think point guard Jrue Holiday, the future of the 76ers franchise, is a fine candidate to be representing the 76ers at tonight’s NBA Draft Lottery, we would like to suggest to Mr. Snider a few last minute substitutions for Holiday. In our minds if any one of the following people were representing the Sixers tonight, then Phialdunkia’s home team would have a real chance to get the #1 or #2 pick in the 2010 NBA Draft.
In no particular order, here are five people who if they were in Secaucus tonight working for Comcast-Spectacor’s NBA Team, would be able to use their special talents / powers to help the Sixers overcome the odds and move up in the Draft Lottery.
Moses Malone – Outside of the Iverson led 2001 run to the NBA Finals, Moses is hugely responsible for the only great thing to happen to the 76ers franchise in the last 30 years, so why not see if he can lead us to the Draft Lottery promise land in 2010.
Marisa Miller — Clad in nothing more then a body painted 76ers retro jersey and a pair of pumps, the ridiculously hot Sports Illustrated swimsuit model / Victoria Secrets Angel is sure to be a major distraction to League officials and the represenatives from the other twelve Lottery teams as well as whatever accounting geek has been hired by the NBA to make sure everything is legit tonight. While everyone is focused on Miller, Holiday or Ed Stefanski will have plenty of time to “fix” the Lottery process so that the Sixers end up with at least the #2 pick in this year’s draft.
Ben Roethlisberger – Is anybody luckier then “Big Ben”? Video tape evidence disappears, shotty police work and victim’s who elect not to testify. That’s just crazy lucky. If the Sixers could score “Big Ben” for tonight and the Pittsburgh Steelers QB uses a third of his luck on our behalf, the Sixers walk away with the #1 pick — no problem.
Pat Williams – Since the former 76ers front office member (GM) bolted from Philadelphia to Orlando, the Magic have won the Draft Lottery and selected #1 an unheard of three times (1992, 1993 and 2004). Thanks to the presence of Williams, the Magic were able to acquire franchise changing players such as Shaq (’92), Penny Hardaway (’93 via trade) and Dwight Howard (’04). Williams still has a lot of friends in the Philly area and comes back to visit often, so we think it’s time he helped the folks back home by sharing a little of his Draft Lottery midas touch with the 76ers.
Criss Angel – Arguably the craziest illusionist / magician in the world today and the man behind the hit TV show “Mindfreak”, Angel would be a great last minute substitute for Holiday. If Angel can figure out how to walk on water, levitate himself one hundred feet in the air or pass through a glass window without breaking it, then there’s no doubt that he has some Harry Houdini trick up his sleeve that could magically get the Sixers into the #1 or #2 slot at the 2010 NBA Draft.