EXIT INTERVIEW: ANDRE IGUODALA

Posted by: Tom Sunnergren
05/09/11 9:53 am EST

After a regular season that exceeded expectations, and a post-season that more or less met them, Andre Iguodala has already had a very trying offseason.

Always a lightening rod for controversy and never popular with the fan base, Iguodala skipped his exit interview with the 76ers front office executives and is said to be trying to force his way out of town.

Amidst these rumors swirling about the longest tenured Sixer, we at Philadunkia got an opportunity to sit down with him this weekend and get his take.

He looked pretty tired.

SUNNERGREN:  So Andre, let’s cut to the chase.  We’ve all heard the rumors, let’s hear it from you.  Do you want to stay in Philadelphia?

IGUODALA:  That’s a very good question Tom.  A very good one.  Do I want to stay in Philadelphia?  I mean, why wouldn’t I want to stay in Philadelphia?  Who wouldn’t want to play for a fan base that appreciates and understands their game the way Philadelphia understands mine?  I can’t tell you how satisfying it is to be arguably the premier wing defender in the NBA, an outstanding rebounder, a terrific passer, a guy with a good handle who can take it to the rim, but be nevertheless picked apart and absolutely lambasted because I can’t hit f***ing jump shots.  I excel in literally every other aspect of the game.  Literally every single other thing you can do in the game of basketball to make your team more likely to win the game, I do the s*** out of.  I stuff box scores like they’re f***ing Christmas stockings.  So I can’t hit 18 footers. Look at my numbers.  Look at my f***ing numbers.  If I hit jumpers I’d be f***ing LeBron James.  ‘Oh god, he’s worse than LeBron James.  We oughtta punch him in the face.  Break his teeth cause he’s worse than LeBron.  That’s our standard, if you’re worse than LeBron — the best basketball player on the planet earth — we murder you.  That’s a completely fair and reasonable way to evaluate players.’  So yeah. I’d love to stay in Philadelphia.  The fans here are very intelligent.  They’re really reasonable.  I’d love to continue to play for them.

SUNNERGREN:  Okay.  You seemed to deemphasise offense this year, and instead–

IGUODALA:  So you’re a writer, right?  You write, that’s the thing that you do.  Can you take pictures though?

SUNNERGREN:  I’ve guess I’ve never really —

IGUODALA:  Oh, you can’t take pictures?  F**k You.  BOOOOOOOOOO. BOOOOOOOO.  Why don’t you learn how to take a mother f***ing picture.  That’s the most important thing in a paper.  The first thing you see is the picture and you can’t even take one you piece of s**t.  I don’t care if you’re F. Scott f***ing Fitzgerald, get the f**k out of here and don’t come back.  Get me a guy who can take a picture.  That’s a reasonable way to think, right?  To judge somebody entirely on the basis of the one thing they can’t do.  To define someone by their lone weakness.  That’s a very reasonable way to do analysis.  That’s what I love about Philadelphia fans.  They’re smart enough to recognize that if a player has one weakness — even if the rest of their game is just superlatively good — they’re a worthless piece of s**t.  That’s what I love about them so much.  I would love to spend the next eight to ten years living among these people.  That would be very good for me psychologically.

SUNNERGREN:  Alright.  Speaking of psychology, it seems like your experience with Coach K last summer taught you a lot.  Why was that–

IGUODALA:  Take Ben Wallace.  He won a title with the Pistons.  He was the best player on a championship team.  Oh wait, never mind.  I forgot that he wasn’t a scorer.  So I guess it doesn’t matter that he led the League in rebounding and was the defensive player of the year and carried a team without a superstar to a championship.  I forgot that none of that matters.  I forgot that if you’re not good at shooting, you f***ing suck.  Get out of the NBA.  Shooting is the only part of the game.  I always forget that.  Defense? Whatever.  Passing?  Who gives a f**k.  The NBA is one long game of HORSE.  The only thing that matters is how well you can hit a f***ing jumper.  I always forget that and Philadelphia fans don’t and that’s why they’re better than me and I deserve the horrible things they say and write about me.  I deserve it.  I’m an asshole who can’t hit 15 footers.

SUNNERGREN:  Well, I wouldn’t say that.  I think the problem most fans have, insofar as you could say we have a problem, is that you sometimes —

IGUODALA:  And it’s also my fault that I’m the best player on the team and we don’t have enough play makers and that means I’m forced to do things that fall outside my broad skill set.  This is my fault because I’m the GM.  Sometimes I think to myself ‘Oh Andre, this criticism is unfair.  People shouldn’t be giving you a hard time about missing shots in crunch time because you really shouldn’t be taking them in the first place.’  I think this until I remember that I hand pick all the players on the team.  Then I don’t feel sorry for myself.  I remember that the fans are justified in blaming me for the fact that we don’t have anybody who is a great scorer, because I am actually the general manager of the basketball team I play on.  So that criticism is completely fair and valid.  Because I’m the GM.

SUNNERGREN:  I don’t think that’s exactly what people mean when they say —

IGUODALA:  Oh and scoring.  Right.  Let’s talk about scoring.  I can’t score.  At all.  Do you like facts?  Here’s a fact — my career true shooting percentage is .555.  And Kobe Bryant’s is .556.  So I can’t score at all and that makes me suck but I do it basically as well as Kobe Bryant, and he’s the best scorer ever and I’m an overpaid piece of s**t.  That might confuse someone who uses facts to make decisions about things, but you know what that person would be missing?  That facts are for douchebags.  Philadelphia fans get that.  They understand that if you use facts you’re an asshole.  So I love them. I love this city.  And that’s natural right?  For feelings to be reciprocal?  They sure are in my case.  I feel the same way about Philadelphia as they feel about me.  The exact same way.

(Editor’s Note: This post was the second installment in Tom Sunnergren’s fictitous end of the season interview series.)


 
 
 

16 Responses to “EXIT INTERVIEW: ANDRE IGUODALA”

  1. Dave
    9. May 2011 at 18:26

    Hey Andre,

    It sounds like you’ve really pin-pointed your problem. Follow up question, why the F do you put your self in position to take the last shot of games when you obviously know you can’t shoot! That’s why we’re not a fan of you. Awful decision making factors in to not being a good player (shocking…I know). Please leave the town and don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

    Lastly,

    I really hope the university of Arizona did not give you a diploma for that crap you call the english language in this interview.

    Sincerely,

    Very disappointed fan.

  2. 76ers
    10. May 2011 at 10:18

    I tottaly understand where iggy is coming from. So what he isnt a great shooter, he does other things better than the best players in the nba like kobe bryant, kevind durant, etc… I love andre but if he doesnt stay in philly and if the 76ers decide to move him i hope he goes to a place that he loves. Also if your reading this andre please do another dunk contest.PLEASEEEEEEEE

  3. Ty
    10. May 2011 at 11:45

    Not a real interview dave…

  4. Manny
    10. May 2011 at 14:14

    I completely agree with Andre. And anybody who cant see that he is justified in thinking that way is a complete moron. Sixers are my favorite team and it would devastate me if a bunch of ignorant Philadelphians were to drive away our best player. Are they that stupid not to realize if he leaves all we do is take a step back from where we are right now!!! Iggy, please stay. Screw the haters and keep on doing what you do best! You are The best player on an rising team.

  5. fakeezi
    10. May 2011 at 14:50

    dave,u are a jerk….of all the other thing iggy does, u down him cause he isnt pure with his jumpshot?im fine with iggy’s shot;he made clutch shots all the time;its dummies like u who make a player leave…i bet u hated iverson too? two guys who left their hearts on the floor every nite? and u blame them? its not his fault the organization gave him all that money…who wouldnt take it? iggy u a fan in my book….what u didnt score, u made up in rebounds and defense…stiflin defense(ask bron,kobe, etc);its embiciles like dave who makes me wanna get another team…..get the man some help….whats with u people? i wouldnt be mad if iggy left cause i still will be a fan;and i been a die-hard philly fan since 86;so yall fans who cant play a lick of b-ball stop tryin to bash somebody about somethin u cant come close to doin…pleas stay iggy;u know coach collins will get the right pieces;we need u homie…and dave, put a sock in it!!!!

  6. Origin
    10. May 2011 at 15:42

    Dave,

    I see that you aren’t too bright. This isn’t an actual interview, if you actually could read you would know that the piece was a created interview made by Tom Sunnergren.

  7. NetsForce
    10. May 2011 at 16:15

    “Come and touch it Dave”

    – Eddy Curry

  8. Marko
    10. May 2011 at 16:46

    Dave, notice on the bottom of the page where it says
    “(Editor’s Note: This post was the second installment in Tom Sunnergren’s fictitous end of the season interview series.)”.

    This was not a real interview, it was made by Tom Sunnergren.

  9. Kobe
    10. May 2011 at 17:11

    The people of Philadelphia want you to add shooting to your game or GTFO there’s no reason to be so upset about it. Whenever a part of my game is critized I work really hard sometimes as early as 4am to fix it until it’s done. Also if the problem is with the teamates you neet to tell management to ship their a** outta there.

    PS LeBron isn’t the best player in the game and he wont be till a MR. Bryant retires.

  10. dick
    10. May 2011 at 19:10

    GO ANDRE!!!!

  11. Evan Turner
    10. May 2011 at 19:13

    I know how you feel bro.

  12. Toady
    10. May 2011 at 19:51

    Dave,
    You do get that was a fake interview, right?

  13. Toady
    10. May 2011 at 19:56

    Also the reason he often “puts himself” in position to take the last shot in games is that no one else (other than maybe Jrue or Lou) have the one-on-one skills to get a shot off. This interview while a joke (again a JOKE) does indicate the double standard this poor guy has been dealing with most of his career. Remember when he was drafted, Iverson was still running the team and we took a player that would fit that style. It’s a testament to Dre that he has transformed himself into the player he is today, even if that still includes some weaknesses.

  14. Geralld
    11. May 2011 at 16:50

    Dave, way to prove that Philly fans really are f***ing stupid.

    /s/ Iggy.

  15. fakeezi
    11. May 2011 at 17:18

    @dave…im yeah!! i am aware it wasn”t. u r da one the started the post;so get a grip;im sick of u fans runnin all the good players out of town;firsdt barkley, then iverson, and now iggy? fans like u wont allow us to make it to the final dance;iverson was one of the best that ever did it;and what did the organization do? every year they tried to add someone(glenn robinson, kukoc, van horn,webber)besides webber,the others one had no defense!!webber was good in his prime,but u can only blame his knees;they never put defensive-minded superstars around him;only role players;imagine if bubbachuck had someone like paul pierce with him;we wouldve made it further lots of times….im a loyal fan;always will be;but we do make bone-headed mistakes;we battled the best in the east and bowed out gracefully…but hey,we didnt get swept like the knicks or lakers!!! LOL

  16. Matt
    12. May 2011 at 09:29

    You guys really need to make it more apparent these aren’t real interviews. Put the disclaimer at the top perhaps?

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