BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Posted by: Tom Sunnergren
02/13/12 11:05 am EST

According to multiple sources including our own Tom Sunnergren, the Sixers held a closed door, players only meeting after Friday night’s disappointing 78-77 loss to the Clippers which produced their first two-game losing streak of the season.

According to Tom, the meeting went on for some time and the media waited “forever” to gain access to the locker room after the game.  Well, apparently the right things were said behind those closed doors Friday night because after they finally gave the media their time, the 7-6 boarded a plane, traveled to Cleveland and on Saturday Collins & Co. simply dismantled an injured and hopeless Cavaliers team.  

We’ll never know for sure what was said in that locker room Friday night, but Tom imagines it went something like this…

 ELTON BRAND:  Well guys, we just lost by one to the Clips and we’re 18-9 now…

(The veteran looks somberly around room.)

 

BRAND: Can you believe it!!!!

 (Champagne corks pop in the background.  Celebratory music blares.  The Sixers are euphoric.)

(Then extremely upbeat chatter — much like a stream of consciousness — starts pouring from the players in the Sixers locker room)

– I was going to sell my house.  My kids were going to have to change schools again.

– We’re the best defensive team in the NBA!

– They were gonna be those weird kids.  Those weird new kids.  Who the f*** is  that new kid?  Lets rob him.  I don’t want that.

– We just finished a brutal 7-game stretch of the season that our coach dubbed “Death Row”  — with a winning record.

– I didn’t think this kind of happiness was possible.  I really didn’t.

(Spencer Hawes and Thaddeous Young perform an elaborate handshake.)

– My wife was going to leave me, she said she won’t date losers.  Now she is all over me.  I can’t get any sleep.  I have to drive over to PCOM just to get a break.

– Did you see the fans tonight?  They were going nuts.  They were all so happy to watch good basketball again.

– I’ve been having these dreams like I’ve been flying.  Just soaring through the air like a bird or an eagle.  Just riding through the clouds, above it all. It was beautiful.

(Someone is roasting a pig.  It smells amazing.)

– My son said he wanted to be like me when he grows up.  I heard it from the other room. I started to cry.  Like tears of pure joy.

– We just went 4-3 against seven of the best teams in the NBA. 4-3!  Is it just me, or is it incredibly meaningful that we won the equivalent of a playoff series against seven teams who will be in the playoffs — six of which are legit title contenders.

(A naked midget is, for some reason, running around with sparklers.  Jodie Meeks pats him on the head.)

– This is seriously the best thing that ever happened to me

– Can you believe we almost beat a team that has Blake Griffin AND Chris Paul.  Like, both of them?!  Chris Paul actually patted me on the ass after a play and said nice job.  I almost passed out.

– Food tastes better.

– Me and my dad hadn’t spoken for six years.  I called him last night.  I told him I loved him.

(A sort of conga line has formed in the middle of the locker room.  It’s hard to tell through the joyful chaos, but Lou Williams might be doing a river dance.)

– Did anyone notice we beat the Bulls last week?  The Bulls.

– How cool is Blake by the way?  He is, like, really funny.  Did you see that face he made after that foul?  It was like…well, I can’t do it, but oh my god.  It was hilarious.

– My kids are making eye contact with me again.

– I went three years without touching my wife once.  Three years. I got some this morning!  This morning!

– I think I believe in God now.  I was an atheist.  I believe in Jesus now.

– We’re so incredibly lucky to do what we do.  We have youth, talent, health, fame, and incredible wealth.  And, to top it all off, we’re all part of a truly unique team.  A team in the fullest sense of the word.  Everyone contributes, and each guy understands that his success is contingent on the guy next to him.  We’re not just some collection of individuals, thrown together, pushing in the general direction of some common goal.  We’re a purposeful, interconnected unit. It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of.

– I’m serious man, I got some this morning!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 
 
 

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