BYNUM…DONE…WHAT A SHOCK

Posted by: Jake Fischer
03/01/13 2:53 pm EST

After sustaining serious mental and emotional damages from a carnivorous herd of media members at the Sixers PCOM practice facility, the 2012-2013 version of Andrew Bynum, along with his knees, is now for done for the season, the ailing center announced Friday.

“It’s getting really late [in the season],” the 7-1 nearly 300-pound center told reporters in regards to appearing on the court.  “I don’t know if I will play.”

As many have speculated for months, Andrew Bynum will most likely never play for the Sixers this season, as his deteriorating knees have now apparently cost him the 2012-13 just as they have done to the 76ers.  Bynum, who had practiced with the team for the first time just seven days prior to this horrific announcement, reported that his knees experienced swelling following that practice.  However, they most likely did not swell as large as many 76ers fans’ hearts did Friday afternoon, considering that for Bynum, it’s still all about the money.

“Being healthy is more important than everything else,” Bynum also said at PCOM.  “If I am healthy, I’ll get a deal.  I have to be able to play and I need to get to the point where I’m healthy to play.”

 

Thus, after a thorough research and advanced statistical analysis, Philadunkia has concluded the above statement reveals that money has played a huge role in the death of Bynum’s 2012-2013 season, by the transitive property.  Essentially if being healthy for the long run is most important to Bynum, but getting a deal is the result of being healthy, a max contract is the foremost subject on Bynum’s mind.

However, while in this state of critical condition, scientists are still investigating the potential for a recovery by this unable-bodied 25-year-old in the future beyond this current season.

“They just grew cartilage in a petri dish,” Bynum told reporters.  “Scientists are looking at it.  They’re going to come up with something.”

Even if scientists fail to “come up with something” to help Bynum’s knees, one thing is for sure: the Sixers’ front office has a plan in place for this team’s future.  Unfortunatley if you believe what has been coming out of the Sixers front office all year, that strategy remains Plan A and “A” stands for “Andrew”. 

Whether that is a good or bad thing is still to be determined. 

Today however, it seems like a terrible plan.

 

 


 
 
 

14 Responses to “BYNUM…DONE…WHAT A SHOCK”

  1. MattSg
    1. March 2013 at 15:39

    Some legitimate hate is really starting to build for this bum who doesn’t give a ****

  2. MattSg
    1. March 2013 at 15:58

    We got absolutely played by the lakers . How do they always get away with crap like this ? All the laker fans here in LA are happy they got rid of him I can’t stop hearing it .
    If I ever see mitch kupchack I’ma slap em

  3. HWSIV
    1. March 2013 at 17:24

    The Sixers decision makers should all get a slap if they are serioulsy thinking of still signing this guy to a long term max deal after this season. The man can’t stay healthy period! He practiced with the team once – ONCE – since last summer when this deal was made and his knees swelled up. Hello? What makes anyone think he can play a full season and be THE GUY and franchise player to build the team around.

    They need to stop this delusional thinking and let him go and use the cap space to seriously upgrade the talent on this team. We have one of the weakest starting line ups in the NBA. Outside of maybe Jrue on a few teams with a weak PG situation, I don’t think anyone else on this team is a legit starter in the league. We need to bring is some talent to be able to compete. This team is really playing to their talent level right now which is currently last place in the Atlantic. Pitiful for this once proud franchise.

  4. Alex
    1. March 2013 at 17:42

    Sad, What can you do? let it go and just accept it.
    By the way, if laker’s Drs knew this and Sixers did not, it is time to fire those Drs as well.
    Time to move on. Now, what is new plan A? I tell you for this season the new plan A stands for Arnet.

  5. Jake Fischer
    1. March 2013 at 18:02

    MattSg,

    People are definitely starting to develop so hatred for this guy. My brother texted me today after I originally tweeted this article, “f*** Bynum”.

    If you want to see the best example of angry fan… Follow @FanSince09

  6. George
    1. March 2013 at 18:06

    No… We got Jason Richardson too!

  7. Alex
    1. March 2013 at 18:43

    Year: 2050. NBA
    Andrew Bynum had his 2066 Pres conference today and gave update on his Knees. It is obvious that Bynum will not be ready until 2051 season. Bynum got 2 more years on his 33 year contact with Sixers and yet to play a single game for Sixers. Meanwhile, Sixers Front office announced today that they will pass on this year’s draft in anticipation of Bynum’s return. “After all it is worth waiting for a Bynum caliber player and not wasting money on draft picks” said Sixers GM.
    “Being healthy is more important than Baskeball, I am almost 60 years old and still have a few years in me.,” Bynum also said at press conference. “If I am healthy, I’ll get a new deal”. The 7-1 nearly 500-pound center told reporters in regards to appearing on the court.

  8. Steve Toll
    1. March 2013 at 19:37

    This is literally the best case scenario with regards to Bynum, this should be a joyous day amongst 76er fans

  9. RYN_JAY
    1. March 2013 at 20:39

    I don’t understand why there’s so much hate. The guy’s knees are messed up and he can’t get them 100% healthy. Period. Anybody that says that he doesn’t want to play is just ignorant. He knows that if doesn’t play and isn’t 100% then he’s not getting paid.

  10. Russ99
    1. March 2013 at 21:28

    Thank goodness. Cut bait on this dude. Live and learn, sometimes you make a deal and get lucky, sometimes you end up with the fish.

    Need to see proactive moves made my our supposedly want to win ownership, starting with Collins’ dismissal and announcing that Bynum will not be resigned ASAP.

  11. Ms. Haygood
    2. March 2013 at 11:23

    This is only the best case scenario if the team decides to move on from Bynum, clean house and bring in some front office talent with a mind-set of how to build a team in todays NBA.

    The only Andrew the Sixers should be thinking about right now is Andrew Wiggins!!!!!

  12. Frank
    2. March 2013 at 20:13

    Time to start rooting for the raptors, pistons, wizards, suns, twolves, hornets, magic and bobcats

  13. Alex Brandao
    3. March 2013 at 12:37

    What really pisses me off is that we, as fans, got lied to all year long by the front office. Nice way to treat your fans, Tony and Josh!

  14. Jeff
    4. March 2013 at 11:02

    Basketball is Bynum’s livelihood. Of course getting paid is at the forefront of his mind. It’s at the forefront of every professional athlete’s mind in a contract season. He’s in a treacherous situation for an athlete – If he doesn’t get back on the court, he’s going to have to figure out how to support himself for the next 50 years. Here’s hoping his knees heal completely in the off-season or he decides to opt for quick surgery because it looks like the Sixers are going to stick with him.

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