FINAL TANK STEPS

Posted by: Alex Gorge
07/29/13 9:08 am EST

harris-hinkieLet’s flash forward, it’s May 2015 and the 76ers just knocked the Brooklyn Nets out of the playoffs, led by Andrew Wiggins, Michael Carter-Williams and Nerlens Noel.

Oh, the possibilities.  With all the talk of Philadelphia tanking and the Wells Fargo Center being the prime venue to play hide and seek next season, I wanted to remind Philadunkia nation what the final goal is — Wiggins.

New General Manager Sam Hinkie has made some real progress in attempting to land the No. 1 pick next season but it isn’t a lock yet.  So if the 7-6 are really going to tank then let’s do this thing right.  After researching every team’s salary cap I’ve come up with the final seven steps to accomplishing “The perfect tank”.

After the jump, let’s take a look a the final pieces to the puzzle in landing Wiggins.

Step 1- Hire Michael Curry:  The final two candidates for the 76ers coaching position, at the moment, are Curry and Spurs assistant Brett Brown.  Brown has won at every walk of life he has experienced in basketball even going back to his playing days.  Brown’s basketball pedigree is unmatched and I could foresee him somehow pulling the Sixers to near playoff contention.  Sorry Brett, these aren’t the qualities Philadelphia is looking for in the leader of our tank squad.  Curry on the other hand has all the qualities we need.  He led the Larry Brown Pistons into their own respective rebuilding era and is a Doug Collins disciple on offense.  Curry’s defensive strategies are solid so Hinkie may have to get involved here.  If Curry can be convinced to alter his defense and make it half as bad as the continuation of DC’s offense will be this year then sign me up!

Step 2- Trade Thad Young for Boris Diaw and Matt Bonner:  Young’s contract is currently the only guaranteed money on the Sixers salary cap for the 2014-15 season at about 9.5 million.  Young is a strong young talent that we don’t need putting up 18 and 10 in extended minutes this year.  Come on Spurs, I’m giving you the piece you need to get over the top.  All we ask for is Boris Diaw so he can ride his Segway from restaurant to restaurant around Philly while simultaneously gaining thirty pounds and Matt “Red Rocket” Bonner so the 76ers can finally give New Balance some love.  Bonner also has the defensively inept quality we are looking for next season.  Not to mention Diaw and Bonner’s contracts both expire next year, bringing the Sixers guaranteed money in 2014-15 (excluding the new rookies) to 0$.  You’re welcome.

Step 3- Trade Evan Turner and Jason Richardson for Richard Jefferson:  Remember when the Nets went to three straight finals in the early 2000’s and people thought R.J would soon be a perennial All-Star?  Well a little over a decade later it’s been a disappointing career from that aspect for Jefferson.  J-Rich has a player option to pick up another 6 million from the Sixers in 14-15 and Evan Turner has a qualifying offer that is higher then every other expiring contract for shooting guards other than Dwyane Wade.  Jefferson’s contract expires after next year.  This move will save Philly about another $14 million.  Jefferson would shoot just as poorly as Turner would have and is worse at defense as well.  That’s a big check in the tanking department.

Step 4- Sign Khalif Wyatt and play him:  As most of you know Wyatt is a local guy who played for Temple.  Wyatt’s jersey sales will be the biggest plus of this move and Philadelphia will need all the merchandise revenue they can get next year.  Wyatt will excite fans by scoring 15-20 points a game while giving up 40.  No one will notice the 40 and it will make the losses a little more fun to watch.

Step 5- Give Michael Carter-Williams the green light:  If you watched OPSL then you know that MCW isn’t capable of bearing the scoring load on a team and can not shoot from the perimeter.  Carter-Williams is a key for the team heading forward so he needs to learn how to shoot at some point.  I would say a target of about 20-25 shots a game would do the trick.

Step 6- Make Noel’s return contingent upon him passing his classes at Kentucky again:  Noel will be the 76ers low post presence for years to come and the point of this is that we need to delay his return to the court for as long as possible in 2013-14.  We certainly don’t need him coming back in December or January trying to win games.  Making Noel re-pass his classes from last year at Kentucky should make him miss the upcoming year.  Now, should it backfire and it begins to become more likely he misses multiple seasons due to this then Hinkie will have to step in and fix his grades.  If John Calipari can accomplish it at Kentucky then so can Hinkie.

Step 7- Send Tawanna Iverson to the 2014 Draft Lottery as an Alimony payment:  As we all know Allen Iverson is having legal and financial issues.  The 76ers need all the good will they can get, so call this a payment installment on behalf of Allen and it might just give us the good luck we need.  There is also the possibility of Tawanna getting into a fist fight with the young and cocky Nick Gilbert, and we can’t pass that up.

Of course the possibility any of these moves happen is about zero percent.  We can only hope first year GM Hinkie isn’t afraid to put himself out there and makes these moves.  “The Perfect Tank” is in reach and so is Wiggins.  Hopefully Hinkie heeds my warnings and makes these moves to ensure the number one pick comes to Philadunkia nation.


 
 
 

6 Responses to “FINAL TANK STEPS”

  1. Alex Hootan
    29. July 2013 at 11:48

    LOL
    Agree with all but trading Turner and Young for players. Trade them for draft picks instead. Get 4 1st rounders in 2014 and 2015 for these two plus some crap to be waived. Cats, Wizards, and Cavs are prime candidates for trade partners here.
    Also agree that the final goal is Wiggins, but the next 4 are also very good.

  2. SP
    29. July 2013 at 12:28

    Turner needs to go because mainly– he plays wiggins position and we can get something out of him. Maybe send him to the hawks for a 1st rounder.

    Also we need to sign Khalif wyatt for the reasons stated in the article and because hes a flat out baller. My bibliography for that one is the game vs Indiana in M.M.

  3. Tony
    29. July 2013 at 13:00

    HAHAHA. nice.

    I’m all in for folding.

  4. ken
    30. July 2013 at 00:57

    why do you only want expiring contracts for thad and turner when you can def find a team around the trade deadline that has a young piece/draft picks that we can trade for, for example maybe we can barnes from the warriors bc they just signed iggy or Jeremy lamb from the thunder id rather have hinkie look to do that first then as a last effort if he really wanted to get rid of them trade them for expiring contracts

  5. Jojoba
    30. July 2013 at 04:57

    Nets went to two finals in the early 2000s, not three

  6. Jon
    30. July 2013 at 21:59

    Just a quick thing, the final goal is winning a championship. Not Andrew Wiggins. Also, the worst record is not guaranteed the top pick. In fact, there’s a 35% chance the top pick doesn’t even get A top three pick. So yeah, I don’t care if it’s Andrew Wiggins, Jabari Parker, Julius Randle, whoever, I just want a championship.

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